TV Truths!!

We keep reading that TV is bad for us. If this is true then how come the current generations of TV-addicted kids are way smarter?? Perhaps TV does educate you. Consider these TV truths :

• A person who has been shot always has time to speak a partial sentence before he dies,”the killer was…it was…” (dies).
• ALL buildings have air vents big enough to crawl through. For your convenience, these are also clean, have concealed lighting, and end in grills that you can open with a simple push.
• Bad things only happen on dark and stormy nights.
• Emotional breakdowns cause people to wander in the heavy rains without umbrellas.
• And contrary to what scientists say, the crack of lightning and the accompanying flash happen simultaneously, wherever you are.
• Aliens speak English no matter what part of the galaxy they are from.
• If you are ever attacked by a gang of 20 people, don’t worry about being outnumbered. The baddies will hang back and approach you in 1s and 2s just so you can conveniently defeat them all.
• Night watchmen are nondescript guys who are paid to do just two things: sleep at their desk and be the first to be killed. It’s in their job description.
• Bad guys who are completely covered up in black clothes always whip off their black masks to reveal that they are in fact, gasp, women.
• If anyone is chasing you down an alley, you will find that boxes have been conveniently placed near all the walls that you need to jump over. You barely even need to stretch.
• You can hide without being detected in the foot well of the back seat of the car, even if you are a large adult and the space is only 30 centimeters wide.
• If you are tall and handsome with hair that flops over your forehead, you can run from any number of villains, and every bullet will miss you
• All cars are inflammable and have amazing shock absorbers that enable you to soar through the air and land without damage – except police cars. Those will crash and burn in any chase.
• TV even teaches us about TV. Whenever anyone turns on a TV, it shows a news flash about someone they know. They then turn the box off immediately after that news item.
• Police can learn from TV too. When the boss dismisses you from solving a case, THAT’S when you solve it.
• When you pay the auto driver, you never look into your wallet to take your money; you take any note at random, it’s ALWAYS the right amount.
• When driving a car, even on a straight stretch, you have to constantly and forcefully turn the steering wheel right and left.
• A man does not show any pain when he is savagely thrashed, but complains when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Any lock can be picked in a matter of seconds by a credit card or a wire or a hair pin…except when it is the door of a building on fire and a child is locked inside.
• If someone decides to dance in public places or on the streets, any other random person he/she meets knows all the dance steps.
• Cliffs always have a branch of a tree to catch anyone who falls off a cliff.
• There is always a swimming pool or a garbage dump to catch the hero when he falls off a building.
• When you fly through glass you ALWAYS end up without a single scratch.
• When people get repeatedly hit on the face...no teeth break..only one side of the mouth bleeds.
• If you hit your head hard you lose your memory...if you get another hard hit on the head .. you always regain it.

So folks the next time you watch TV…take down notes because these “vital life skills” may help you some day ;) =)

(compiled from various sources)