Poetry Is It?

I was inspired to write this blog piece after i heard of 'bored.com'
It provides us with a multitude of choices when it comes to being extremely bored.
One of those ideas was to write poetry on random things.
So there I was sitting in my language class listening to my teacher drone on and on about a man who fell in love with a river, and I realized that the dull monotony of a language class can get the creative juices flowing and that is what led me start writing poetry.(This however does not mean that I am good at it.)
Contemporary literature defines poetry as an imaginative awareness of experience expressed through meaning, sound, and rhythmic language choices so as to evoke an emotional response.
I define poetry as a medium of eradicating boredom by successfully eliciting praise from those around you by writing things that don't really help society in any way. 


So these extremely useful language hours got me to start writing poems. About anything. My first poem is about a girl called Neha. She is my friend who sits next to me in class. I will share with you my first poem, which by the way only took me 50 minutes to write) I have to warn you that this poem is terrible and has no rhyming scheme what so ever.

My Friend Neha

By Varsha Gopalakrishnan

My friend Neha

who likes Vishnupriya

who laughs like 'haha'

has nice hair.

Neha's stalker is Madhusudhana

her best friend is Moukthika

She thinks Reva is a hot car

and that Kannu is Blah.

Neha is a marwadi

who likes to wear sari

she wears skull chappal

and her boobs are not ample.

Violating dress code 

is her one and only goal

she likes vada paav

and her style is so sauve

She got chased by a cow

she calls her best friend maow

and she thinks Halari

should be called Haboobi

She likes going home at three

and falling off her scooty

but she doesnt like frooti

She takes 30 minutes to drink coffee

and keeps chewing toffee

she likes belgium dark chocolate

and is almost always late

So Every one walk-like-Neha

hot Neha, nice Neha

Is my friend Neha.

This poem was so popular that i got so many compliments on that day! I didn't write this poem to hurt Neha's feelings but to show the world what an awesome girl Neha is. Hopefully someday someone might actually want to publish this.

Keeping my fingers crossed for such a day =)

Cynophobia

""Cynophobia is the irrational fear of dogs. The difference between the normal fear of dogs that many ordinary people have and Cynophobia is that the person suffering from Cynophobia will do her best to avoid approaching or passing by a dog to the extent that she may stay at home to avoid her neighbour’s dog.Or any random stray dog""


The irony of my life is that i have cynophobia and my BFF is a dog lover. The words 'dog' and 'awwww' are synonymous to her. I have had to walk on the other side of the street when she used to walk her dog just so i can have a conversation with her without having my face mauled off by her dog.
Yes, i often have dreams of being gnawed to death by a bunch of scary flying dogs that soar through my window and murder me in my sleep.
I know this kind of fear isn't healthy and i should probably go pay a mental doctor to listen to my problems but there is a rational explanation for this irrational fear....
It all started in 2nd grade....
My best friend's parents were going out of town and she was to spend two nights at my house. Like any other 7 year old on a sugar rush i was jumping around all exited about my first ever sleepover. My mom told me she would have to lock me in a room if i jump around anymore so i told that i'll wait outside to see if she's coming. My best friend told me that she would come over at around 1pm.
The impatient child that i was, i began pacing up and down the veranda, peeping over the rails to see if she was coming. 
1pm became 1.15pm and there was still no sign of her...
So i decided to walk all the way to the end of the street and wait there. Bangalore then, had a public dumpster at the end of every street and quite a few dogs marked them as their territory and sat there all day eating the stuff that we throw away and barking at rag-pickers as and when they come.
On our street, there was an old warehouse that had this huge ramp, and the dumpster was right next to it. So i ran to the end of the street and stood right opposite the dumpster because that's where we can see the road clearly.
I got tired of staring at the road so i began pacing up and down the ramp. that's when i saw this huge gang of dogs. It's leader was this big black dog that had yellow patches around its eyes and a huge black tail. 
I froze. I knew that the dog was staring at me and i made the mistake of staring back at it. 
In my mind i was trying to recall whatever i had learned at summer camp about what to do when being attacked by an animal. I remember my camp instructor telling us that, "....if you are ever chased by an animal, always run in a zig-zag pattern so that the animal gets confused..." (now that i think about it, its kind of stupid, but when you are a 7 year old...you tend to believe that stuff)
So i broke the eye-contact with the dog, and it immediately barked once at me.
I freaked out ran for my life, all the while thinking about what my camp instructor told me. so i decided to run in a zig-zag pattern. i ran up the ramp and down the ramp and up the ramp and down the ramp and that stupid dog actually chased me in that same pattern!  
So while i was running for my life, i was simultaneously yelling, "MMMuuuummmmmmyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Daaaaaaaaaaddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" but my parents didn't hear me....
But luckily this scary neighbor of mine ran out see what all this commotion was about and saw me running zig-zag like a mad person on the street, but the sweet soul that she is, threw something at the dog and chased it away.   
So, though i was saved from the clutches (or paws) of that evil dog that day, the memory of it still remains with me forever, scarring me for life.
And every time i see a dog, i am reminded of that fateful day when i felt the first vestiges of fear towards the universally lovable four legged mammal.
And as for that friend whom i was waiting for???  Yes she turned up five minutes after that happened. The reason for her delay? : Her dog didn't want her to leave.


Pretty ironic isn't it??

Nanduma, the bus and Malayalam.

I know the name of my blog is ridiculous but the person who inspired me to name it so is the person i'm going to write about in the following paragraphs :) technically i'm a half mallu and i was proud of it but Nanduma made me realize that she is a greater 'malayalee' than me.(Srruthi Kutty will verify this fact)

Nanduma and i study in the same college. i would be in big trouble if i name the college so lets just say that its quite a famous college and it has a reputation of educating classy people (ahem ahem).

About last year, Nanduma and i were busy with some assignments and we had to stay back in college. we had to take the same bus home (a comfy red Volvo). we also have a trippy volvo song sung to tune of britney spears' toxic to entertain ourselves as we waited for the bus. we try not to sing it in public as we discovered that people don't take too kindly to random singing girls. i really don't know why they have a problem anyway, seeing as we are not even asking them for money. so Nanduma and I decide to while away our time by learning a few words in Malayalam.

The ever eager Srruthi Kutty decided to teach us one word each day.

So one Friday as we were on our way to catch our bus, we were practicing our word for the day - 'VATTA' which roughly translates to bonkers or 'mantal' as we malayalees put it ;)

we were trying to make as many sentences as possible and apply it by testing it on random passers-by.
well half the people standing at our bus stop are malayalees from the aforementioned classy college.
so Nanduma comes up with a feasible sentence that sounded malayalee so we decided to put it to the test.

Nanduma looks left and right, finds the most mallu looking man, who probably was one of the lecturers of our college, yells at the top of her voice, "Ey!!! cheeta ninneku VATTAA!!!!!" (Hey! man you are mental!!)

All the malayalees turn to look at us. Nanduma looks away and starts tapping away at her phone which made me look like the random girl who is yelling in public.

Which is when i realized that i do not want to be a malayalee anymore.

This incident was followed by many more....

1. we were sitting in front of two old men in the bus and making fun of the ways in which malayalees pronounce certain words. it was pretty bad because the whole bus could hear us and even the conductor was smiling at us. later on, after we ran out of things to make fun of, the two old people siting behind us start to converse in malayalam. she got off at the next stop.

2.we were on our way back home and we hadn't bought a ticket yet. so she tried calling the conductor lady. she did not respond so nanduma yelled, "AUNTY!!!! TICKET!!!!!" . the conductor got quite mad and started to yell at nanduma! ,"OYE! What i look like an aunty for you?? DONT call me aunty!"
ya...so we dont go by BMTC buses anymore, especially ones that have lady conductors.

So the following are the rules to be memorized if you are ever to travel with Nanduma in the bus:

1. DO NOT MAKE FUN OF MALAYALEES IN PUBLIC TRANSPORT VEHICLES

2. TRY NOT TO SPEAK TOO MUCH MALAYALAM. TRY TO AVOID IT ALTOGETHER IF POSSIBLE.

3. DO NOT CALL LADY CONDUCTORS "AUNTY"

4. DO NOT EAT GOBI MANCHURIAN FROM VIDYASAGAR ON THE BUS

5. DO NOT SING BRITNEY SPEARS' SONGS ON THE BUS

6. CARTOON THEME SONGS ARE TO BE AVOIDED TOO.

7. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE CONDUCTOR

8. DO NOT TRASH COLLEGE WITHOUT CHECKING TO SEE IF YOU ARE SITTING NEAR A FACULTY MEMBER.

9. TRY NOT TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER ON THE PHONE WHEN NANDUMA IS NEXT TO YOU AS SHE HAS THE HABIT OF SCREAMING, " RAPE!!! RAPE!!! RAPE!!!" IN THE BACKGROUND CAUSING YOUR MOTHER TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

10. DO NOT SING "COME TO ME MY LOUWER COME" IN PUBLIC.

11. DO NOT SING KANNADA LOVE SONGS IN PUBLIC OR ANYWHERE FOR THAT MATTER.

Having said all of that, you may think that Nanduma is not the best of travelling companions but travelling without nanduma really is the most boorrriiing thing ever.

I LOUW YOU NANDUMA!!!!

TV Truths!!

We keep reading that TV is bad for us. If this is true then how come the current generations of TV-addicted kids are way smarter?? Perhaps TV does educate you. Consider these TV truths :

• A person who has been shot always has time to speak a partial sentence before he dies,”the killer was…it was…” (dies).
• ALL buildings have air vents big enough to crawl through. For your convenience, these are also clean, have concealed lighting, and end in grills that you can open with a simple push.
• Bad things only happen on dark and stormy nights.
• Emotional breakdowns cause people to wander in the heavy rains without umbrellas.
• And contrary to what scientists say, the crack of lightning and the accompanying flash happen simultaneously, wherever you are.
• Aliens speak English no matter what part of the galaxy they are from.
• If you are ever attacked by a gang of 20 people, don’t worry about being outnumbered. The baddies will hang back and approach you in 1s and 2s just so you can conveniently defeat them all.
• Night watchmen are nondescript guys who are paid to do just two things: sleep at their desk and be the first to be killed. It’s in their job description.
• Bad guys who are completely covered up in black clothes always whip off their black masks to reveal that they are in fact, gasp, women.
• If anyone is chasing you down an alley, you will find that boxes have been conveniently placed near all the walls that you need to jump over. You barely even need to stretch.
• You can hide without being detected in the foot well of the back seat of the car, even if you are a large adult and the space is only 30 centimeters wide.
• If you are tall and handsome with hair that flops over your forehead, you can run from any number of villains, and every bullet will miss you
• All cars are inflammable and have amazing shock absorbers that enable you to soar through the air and land without damage – except police cars. Those will crash and burn in any chase.
• TV even teaches us about TV. Whenever anyone turns on a TV, it shows a news flash about someone they know. They then turn the box off immediately after that news item.
• Police can learn from TV too. When the boss dismisses you from solving a case, THAT’S when you solve it.
• When you pay the auto driver, you never look into your wallet to take your money; you take any note at random, it’s ALWAYS the right amount.
• When driving a car, even on a straight stretch, you have to constantly and forcefully turn the steering wheel right and left.
• A man does not show any pain when he is savagely thrashed, but complains when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Any lock can be picked in a matter of seconds by a credit card or a wire or a hair pin…except when it is the door of a building on fire and a child is locked inside.
• If someone decides to dance in public places or on the streets, any other random person he/she meets knows all the dance steps.
• Cliffs always have a branch of a tree to catch anyone who falls off a cliff.
• There is always a swimming pool or a garbage dump to catch the hero when he falls off a building.
• When you fly through glass you ALWAYS end up without a single scratch.
• When people get repeatedly hit on the face...no teeth break..only one side of the mouth bleeds.
• If you hit your head hard you lose your memory...if you get another hard hit on the head .. you always regain it.

So folks the next time you watch TV…take down notes because these “vital life skills” may help you some day ;) =)

(compiled from various sources)